YES-day.

The concept.

YES-day is our own kids' day: Ella and Gust get to choose what we do, together and in consultation, and we say yes.

The only rule: if it gets too over-the-top, there's no YES-day the next year. That single rule does the work, because it makes the kids regulate themselves. They already saw the logic on their own: the present they pick can't be too expensive, because if it gets too much, there's no YES-day next year.

Part of the magic is the anticipation: the kids already have fun in the run-up, dreaming up everything a YES-day could include.

The heart of it isn't "anything goes", but doing things we'd otherwise never do. Breaking the normal routine is exactly what makes the day special. For example (and this will be different from person to person):

• a huge breakfast with lots of fruit
• going to the shop and picking out a present themselves (within a budget)
• sleeping in the living room, mattresses on the floor
• watching a film projected big on the wall

Why it works: the kids are in charge (autonomy), it's the out-of-the-ordinary things that stick, and the self-regulation rule keeps the day fun without it running off the rails.

Timing (what we've learned).

Timing turns out to matter. We first ran it in the Christmas holiday, but there were already so many fun things going on that the YES-day didn't really stand out. So we moved it to a quieter week in the summer holiday, which also turned out too busy and full of nice things. Now we do it in April, in the Easter holiday. The lesson: pick a calm week with little else going on, so the YES-day is the special thing rather than one nice thing among many.